I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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