And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
