Dual....:-)
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
