I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
