Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
it's like iHOP with fire
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
