Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
