Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
