not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
