bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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