some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
