i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
