You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
