I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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