and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
