There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
