Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
