He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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