I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
