he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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