its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize