apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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