I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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