just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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