Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
