You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize