you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
