I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
