I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The uberlube is also flammable
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
