New low: just hacked my moms facebook
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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