drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
