Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
