How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
