her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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