It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
