Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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