you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
