I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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