I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
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