All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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