can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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