Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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