I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just had sex on a roof
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
