Only a mothe r could love this liver
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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