You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
