Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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