On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
