Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
