He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
