omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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