It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
