I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
