So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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