Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
