no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
