I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
