the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
