his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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