just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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