so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
