So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
