I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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