I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
