If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Michael Bay diarrhea
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
