as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
