Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
