the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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