She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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