He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
When are your genitals available?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
