This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
