Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
