i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize